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李济芝
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title: "曾仕强-爱情与婚姻-两府联姻并非两个人结婚" | ||
date: 2024-04-27 | ||
draft: false | ||
tags: ["爱情与婚姻","笔记"] | ||
slug: "love-and-marriage-10" | ||
--- | ||
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爱情和婚姻是文化的一种产物,世界上因为地区的不同,有不同的文化,所以爱情的表现也是不一样的,婚姻的形式也是各不相同。 | ||
在西方文化中,婚姻强调的是两个人基于爱情的选择,活动中突显这对新人的自主性和个性,因为他们才是主角。 | ||
而在中国,我们认为婚姻是两个家庭的事情,我们家庭参与的比重会比个人参与的比重大一点。婚姻则被看作两个家庭的联盟,家庭成员间的和谐与支持至关重要。 | ||
父母扮演着关键角色,他们的参与和认可是子女婚姻不可或缺的一部分,子女如果没有结婚,父母的责任好像就没有尽完。 | ||
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婚姻中是虽然要互相尊重,但是总要有一个主一个半,要不然两家各有各的主张,一开始就乱成一团了。在中国社会,尽管普遍期待男性担任主要责任,但仍需给予女性足够的尊重和决策权。 | ||
我们择偶首先要想到的就是我们的父母,找父母的好儿媳妇,父母的好女婿。一个儿子在开始找对象的时候,心目中就开始没有父母了,将来这个媳妇进入到家的时候,她跟公婆不太容易处的好。 | ||
我们择偶婚姻的目的是,要使得家庭实力增加,而不是说只添加一个人而已,我们要替父母找比较好的帮手。 | ||
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择偶的时候第二点要考虑我们的子女。如果不丁克,我们迟早会有儿女,我们替我们的儿女找一个好爸爸、好妈妈。 | ||
我们通常是等到恋爱成熟了,快要结婚了,就去做婚前检查,如果检查出来两个人当中有一个有重大的病怎么办?就此分手吗?那你太绝情了,如果到这个时候再去做什么婚前检查,其实都是形式而已,一切都太晚了。 | ||
所以一开始很冷静的时候,你就要想到你的子女。比如:我这个儿女将来希望他体格好一些,我自己体格不行,找对象就找一个身体好一些的。我们要做事前的诸葛亮,不要做事后的诸葛亮。 | ||
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我们要替我们的兄弟找一个好嫂嫂,替我们的姐妹找一个将来可以相处的人,毕竟大家都是要一起相处的,找一个完全格格不入的人,那你怎么办? | ||
最后再想到替自己找一个好伴侣,千万不要说是我把他娶进来之后,所有的朋友都跟我断绝往来。 | ||
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我们总以为父母之命害人,但是只要父母真正的以子女幸福作为考虑的目标,常常跟子女商量,而不是强制子女,也不是为了自己的利害关系,那父母之命有什么不好的呢? | ||
父母之命可以减少很多很多的婚姻危机,同时也使得父母的这种关系能够延续下去,我们一代关心一代,由长辈关心你做起事情来,危险性自然就降低了。 | ||
父母的意见不应被简单视为陈旧的传统,而应视作宝贵的参考。当我们采纳父母的意见并与之沟通时,我们实际上是在减轻婚姻的风险,并为下一代创造更稳定的家庭环境。 | ||
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跟父母之命相关的还有门当户对。我们认为双方的家庭贫富差距不要太大,社会地位的水平也比较相近,这有什么不对的呢? | ||
两个人在完全不同的背景下成长,肯定会每天吵架;如果两个人背景相差不远,他们的教养方式彼此很相近,大家互动起来自然就比较方便,就不会亲家变成冤家。 | ||
夫妻要相处的就,就要从小的生活背景,大家都比较相近,大家相互容易了解,彼此相处就会很融洽,这样才能天长地久。 | ||
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